Is it just me or are there more people getting married or having babies at a young age than in the past? Recently, it seems as though there are an overwhelming number of people who are getting engaged, married or pregnant...all at the tender age of 25 or younger.
These days, it seems that a week doesn't go by without reading on facebook or twitter a 'congratulations' message to a person who has dropped to one knee, taken the plunge or knocked up their partner (or even worse a random). Being 25 years of age myself, I understand that people are at that point in their life where they want to get engaged. I understand that people want to get married. I can even drink 12 beers and still kind of understand why someone at this age would want a baby. But, the question still is: what's the rush?
On the topic of pregnency, why is it that young women feel the need to have babies at such young ages? And, why are you men so fucking stupid that you don't wear condoms? There are way to many "accidents" happening these days. If you're a couple that get pregnent and it wasn't planned then abortion is an option, as well as putting the child up for adoption. If you're that young and the child wasn't planned put him/her up for adoption before you ruin 3 lives...the two morons who got pregnent and the poor child. My rule: if you're not married and older than 26 years of age then you shouldn't be allowed to have children...you're not ready physically, mentally or financially.
Getting engaged seems like a bit of a different situation. On the one hand I can see why stage 5 clinger girlfriends force their boyfriends to propose because they're so self conscience they need to know that the relationship "is going somewhere." What a load of shit. On the other hand, getting engaged has become a bit of a fad. Since when did it become cool to get engaged, only to turn around to friends and tell them the wedding isn't until 2012. 2012? We could all be dead by then. What the fuck is the point of that? Be patient and let the relationship grow. Let an engagement happen when it should happen not when you feel the need to spice up something in your relationship.
Finally....marriage. I know a number of people my age who have gotten married in the last couple of years. Congrats. The ones who went about it the right way; date, fall in love, move in together, get engaged, and then finally get married, will probably have success. It's the people out there who get married without the 'must' who will fail. That being, if you have never lived with the person you're about to marry...it won't work out. Period. End of story. Without living with that person you do NOT know the person fully. "But Rick, I stay at my boyfriends 4 nights a week so there won't be any difference"...no, you're an idiot, it will not work.
A child does not need to be brought into this world without financial and mental stability. A couple of 25 year olds (or younger) are not stable in any way, shape of form. If you respond with "love will make it work", well then you need more help than you know.
Getting engaged shows that the relationship is moving forward, yes. But, if you're letting an engagement dominate the mental state of your relationship then you're actually holding back the relationship more than you know. When you get engaged it shouldn't be for status or self happiness, it's when you're BOTH truly in love and ready for the next step.
Marriage is something sacred. With all the young dummies in the world getting married and having children at such a young age, no wonder the bloody divorce rate has never been higher. Smarten up and take your time. You'll be with this person forever, hopefully, so there is no need to rush.
So, the next time any of these three life altering options staring down at you, please ask yourself...what's the rush?
Thanks for dropping by,
RP
that is my favorite article you have written ! first off i think you wrote it particularly well and second off i agree with every single thing. seriously though i read a lot of your other stuff and this is the winner for me. Its eactly to a tee as to how i feel.
ReplyDeletePerchie boy, Marriage isn't sacred anymore and we both know that...I'll marry any chick I come across to get an F-2 Visa here...I'll propose to someone tonight
ReplyDeleteWhile I agree with everything here to some extent, I still think that there are OTHER ways to go about having a successful relationship. I mean what about our grandparents who got married younger, never lived together, and are still happily married?
ReplyDeleteThe problem here is not with the individual people rushing into engagement/marriage/kids, the issue lies in our society. When we put such a high value on instant happiness and gratification, the whole institute of this historically sacred tradition gets lost.
It's become totally acceptable to fall into love with someone, decide (before thinking it over or giving the relationship real time to grow) to get married, and then when that initial love buzz wears off after a few years, get a divorce.
Anyone who is in a serious relationship or is married knows that while love is the basis of any solid relationship, respect, communication, and hard work are what hold it together and make it last.
Nice blog D!
Actually it is just you…because LESS people are getting married and having babies at a young age then ever before. Some answers for what’s the rush? Infertility and those sweet baby making years only last so long for women and also for men. Do you actually believe in your own rule that you have to be 26 and married in order to be a successful parent and to live a good life? I’m just curious if you actually believe this? If so…I encourage you to take a little step out of the dominant discourse that you appear to be so immersed as well as blinded by—and such a journey will clearly lead you to write something that is actually edgy and thought provoking. I also encourage you to look at some stats—perhaps on pregnancy, marriage and divorce.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry that at 26 you can’t claim to be physically, financially or mentally ready to be a parent or a husband. However, there are many people in their mid twenties who are in solid relationships and have excellent high paying and rewarding careers.
I find it interesting how you say there is a “right way” to get married. Date; fall in love, move in together, get engaged, and then finally get married. Thanks for your recipe for success but it just makes your whole argument go down the drain.
Also—do a little research on common law and living together before marriage—you might be surprised to find how many marriages fail among people who have actually lived to get prior to tying the knot.
Just wondering if this is a scientific fact: “ if you have never lived with the person you're about to marry...it won't work out.” Where do you get your information? Certainly not from your own marriage.
Marriage is something sacred—but divorce is not happening because people are getting married at age 25.
I like your advice in that you say “take your time. You'll be with this person forever, hopefully, so there is no need to rush.” I agree and hope that your next blog can mix a little of the dr. phil flavour with some real facts that are not informed by a young man’s bias— who clearly is not as established as some of his peer
Just to clarify my own bias—I am not married, knocked up, engaged, or a parent. I do however have a solid relationship and great career and my partner and I don’t believe that we need to follow a traditional path of partnership and parenthood. Step outta the box my friend. It is not all black and white. Look forward to your next blog. I encourage you to question what is informing your knowledge about the world and about yourself?
yo I'm with you on the ridiculous trend of those greco-roman shoes all girls are wearing. Ugly as shit. This lends credence to my theory that while guys dress in an attempt to look attractive to girls and not too gay for guys, girls simply dress to impress other girls. To make other girls jealous. Think about it...
ReplyDelete