UNABLE TO "GET IT UP" WHEN IT COUNTS...IT HAPPENS!

Many of you are probably thinking that this is going to be solely ripping on guys who can't perform in the sack. But, in actual fact we're going to also explore the possibility of a chick not being able to get a guy horny enough to fuck. That or she does something or has something that turns a guy off and makes the little guy go limp.

It is very rare for a young man between the ages of 16-40 to have trouble getting a hard on with the help of a female companion for absolutely no reason. Usually, men of all ages will find it hard to perform with a floppy balloon, rather than that much needed erection when they have been out on the town for the evening.

I believe that there are three reasons why a man will have issues slipping a lady the t-bone. There is whisky dick, worn-out dick and of course, shy guy dick.

Being drunk at a bar and meeting someone is not out of the ordinary. Going home with that person is a little more difficult. Sealing the deal is even more difficult. And, making it very enjoyable for a woman, in your drunken state, can be damn near impossible. But, something that happens to us men more often than you think is the good ol' whisky dick. After being out at a bar all night, drinking, socializing, etc. can take its toll. With the drunken slug in your pants, it can be as easy as taking a break for a while before being able to get it up or that it's just not happening that night. RP advice: go to sleep, forget you ever tried and slam the hell out of the bitch in the morning so you MAY have a chance to return another time.

Having a worn-out dick is exactly as advertised: the worm is tired. If you have been having sex all day or a few times throughout the day and you go out and are able to snag another hoe from the bar, well you may find yourself unable to pitch a tent. This is due to the fact that you're just out of steam. Period. The same can be said for someone who has spent the entire day tugging the shlong, not thinking they're going to get laid that night, and ends up back at home with a woman and can't perform. RP Advice: Jerk yourself off. Get the girl to talk dirty, lick your neck, scratch the back of your head...basically anything that will turn you on while jerking off. If this fails, think of your favorite porn star taking it from a thick stick while screaming your name. If THIS fails, give up. Do exactly what you would do in the case of whisky dick.

The final reason for being unable to get it up is the most simplistic. You're too shy. If you're with a woman who you know has a ton of experience and you have very minimal, you may run into this problem. The men who can't seem to erect the ship because they are too shy need to block everything out and just DO IT. RP Advice: shy, loser guy with no experience, get the fuck out there, find a fuck buddy and ensure that you won't disappoint a woman again. There are always some women out there who find it cute to be able to teach an inexperienced dud like yourself.

So we've looked at the reasons why men run into trouble...by fault of their own. But, what about the women? It can't be entirely the man's fault can it? No, it can't.

Maybe the guy gets back to the woman's place, she goes to change and he sobers up a bit and realizes just how ugly the girl is. Boner gone. Or what if the couple is fooling around there is something that just turns the male off? Balloon popped. Maybe she has minor side burns that hadn't been noticed until the bedroom. The possibility of losing your woody may be blamed on something ugly or disgusting about the woman. Her roast beef curtains just aren't as appetizing as a good ol' roast beef sandwich. The cottage cheese you notice looks better on a salad rather than her ass. And maybe, just maybe realizing that you will have to wake up beside the hideous beast will end all hopes of setting sail that evening.

I realize it's far fetched to blame women for their faults. The women may not like everything about the lad either. But, the difference is women are able to open their legs and let it happen. As men, we need to make sure our equipment is in top form every time we hit the town. Who knows when you'll need to step up and take care of business? The answer is no one. And what's even more true is that every man in the world will have his nights of not being able to pleasure with their rod. RP Advice: if you're unable to use the big stick, learn how to use your fingers and tongue to perfection. Women will forget about the sex if you can still pleasure them like crazy with other parts of your body.

Thanks for dropping by,

Rick Perch

RANDOM RANT


- this is the best time of year to be a sports fan. We have playoff baseball upon us, NHL hockey is about to begin, the NBA will be starting training camp in the next week and the NFL and College Football is in full swing. Ladies, if you have a boyfriend who likes sports then say goodbye to him for the winter. If you have a boyfriend who doesn't like sports...he's probably a homo.

- also, television shows are beginning and you don't want to miss out. Gossip Girl obviously tops them all with other shows like Cougar Town, The City, The Hills, Grey's, 30 Rock and many more are underway or will be shortly.

PART 2 - The Toronto International Film Festival Round-Up

Sorry about the delay. This blogging gig and working on a novel just doesn't pay the bills, so I've been trying to work out a job for myself which has intensified recently. Apologies.

TORONTO INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL 2009

The 34th edition of TIFF wrapped up this past Sunday and this might have been the greatest, most star-studded affairs in the fests history.

Beginning the 9-day fest was the early arrival of the hottest woman on the planet, according to many, Megan Fox. She was in town a few days before the festival began to hang out with Bryan Austin Green, her on again, off again boyfriend. he's in town filming a movie. She then had the world premiere for her film "Jennifer's Body." Mixed reviews were given, but anyone that hot who is kissing another woman in the film deserves an award in my book. Nudity in the film would have guaranteed a Oscar.

George Clooney arrived in town early as well. The getting better with age star was at TIFF for two flicks and was here for almost a week. He signed autographs for the stalkers in Yorkville and truly charmed all the interviewers on the red carpet.

Then it was time for Clooney's boyfriend to appear. Matt Damon showed up in Toronto with his stunning wife. He had his movie "The Informant" premiering, as well as the annual Charity Gala that he hosts in Toronto.

The biggest and craziest crowds were saved for the richest woman on the planet...Oprah. Her film "Precious" premiered at TIFF and has already been received Oscar recognition. On top of the positive reviews, the TIFF recognized "Precious" as the Fans Choice for Best Movie. This could be all the talk at the Oscars, and the buzz, like many other films, gained its buzz in T.O.

Throughout the nine incredible days in Toronto, actors and fans alike had a great time. Many celebrities were overheard telling others how great the city and the fest was going. One actress mentioned that she had heard from past attendees that you don't even need a hotel because you barely get any sleep, and she confirmed that to ET Canada on the final day of the fest.

Toronto was definitely bumping all week with the likes of Ricky Gervais, Jennifer Connolly, Chris Rock, Naomi Watts, Natalie Portman, Jennifer Garner, Mariah Carey, Bill Murray, Drew Berrymore, Hugh Hefner, Ewan McGregor, Robert Duvall, Ellen Page, Colin Farrell, Colin Firth, Michael Caine, Nicholas Cage, Michael Cera, Mini-Me, Lisa Kudrow, Keanu Reeves, Eve, Rob Lowe, Kerry Washington, Julianne Moore, Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher, Suzanne Somers, Mary J Blige, Woody Harrelson, Amanda Seyfried, Michael Douglas and so so so many more donning Hollywood North!!

With TIFF being known by many as "The People's Festival" as well as known by the actors as the most important fest because it is where movies premiere in order to start their run towards the Oscars, Toronto has the opportunity to grow even further. Toronto audiences have also been praised by all actors as very smart and honest. The stars love this fest for the films, the city and of course the hundreds of incredible parties that take place.

We here in Toronto are looking forward to TIFF 2010 when the amazing Bell Lightbox, the new home of TIFF will rise high into the Toronto skyline and give movie goers a top of the line headquarters for TIFF. See you all in September 2010!!

Thanks for dropping by,

Rick Perch

Best Dressed Male - Colin Farrell

Not only did he confront a photographer and yell at him for telling his sister to "Get out of the way", but this guy did it in style. He's in Toronto every year for TIFF whether he has a film or not and he loves to stir it up.

Best Dressed Female - Penelope Cruz

Another actor who is no stranger to Toronto, Penelope Cruz lit up the red carpet. She looked absolutely stunning in this bright teal dress. We'll welcome her back with open arms if she keeps giving us photos like this.

Honourable Mention - Demi Moore

Demi looked absolutely stunning in her yellow dress. Even when her hubby let her do the red carpet thing on her own she still mesmerized the minds of on lookers.