UNABLE TO "GET IT UP" WHEN IT COUNTS...IT HAPPENS!

Many of you are probably thinking that this is going to be solely ripping on guys who can't perform in the sack. But, in actual fact we're going to also explore the possibility of a chick not being able to get a guy horny enough to fuck. That or she does something or has something that turns a guy off and makes the little guy go limp.

It is very rare for a young man between the ages of 16-40 to have trouble getting a hard on with the help of a female companion for absolutely no reason. Usually, men of all ages will find it hard to perform with a floppy balloon, rather than that much needed erection when they have been out on the town for the evening.

I believe that there are three reasons why a man will have issues slipping a lady the t-bone. There is whisky dick, worn-out dick and of course, shy guy dick.

Being drunk at a bar and meeting someone is not out of the ordinary. Going home with that person is a little more difficult. Sealing the deal is even more difficult. And, making it very enjoyable for a woman, in your drunken state, can be damn near impossible. But, something that happens to us men more often than you think is the good ol' whisky dick. After being out at a bar all night, drinking, socializing, etc. can take its toll. With the drunken slug in your pants, it can be as easy as taking a break for a while before being able to get it up or that it's just not happening that night. RP advice: go to sleep, forget you ever tried and slam the hell out of the bitch in the morning so you MAY have a chance to return another time.

Having a worn-out dick is exactly as advertised: the worm is tired. If you have been having sex all day or a few times throughout the day and you go out and are able to snag another hoe from the bar, well you may find yourself unable to pitch a tent. This is due to the fact that you're just out of steam. Period. The same can be said for someone who has spent the entire day tugging the shlong, not thinking they're going to get laid that night, and ends up back at home with a woman and can't perform. RP Advice: Jerk yourself off. Get the girl to talk dirty, lick your neck, scratch the back of your head...basically anything that will turn you on while jerking off. If this fails, think of your favorite porn star taking it from a thick stick while screaming your name. If THIS fails, give up. Do exactly what you would do in the case of whisky dick.

The final reason for being unable to get it up is the most simplistic. You're too shy. If you're with a woman who you know has a ton of experience and you have very minimal, you may run into this problem. The men who can't seem to erect the ship because they are too shy need to block everything out and just DO IT. RP Advice: shy, loser guy with no experience, get the fuck out there, find a fuck buddy and ensure that you won't disappoint a woman again. There are always some women out there who find it cute to be able to teach an inexperienced dud like yourself.

So we've looked at the reasons why men run into trouble...by fault of their own. But, what about the women? It can't be entirely the man's fault can it? No, it can't.

Maybe the guy gets back to the woman's place, she goes to change and he sobers up a bit and realizes just how ugly the girl is. Boner gone. Or what if the couple is fooling around there is something that just turns the male off? Balloon popped. Maybe she has minor side burns that hadn't been noticed until the bedroom. The possibility of losing your woody may be blamed on something ugly or disgusting about the woman. Her roast beef curtains just aren't as appetizing as a good ol' roast beef sandwich. The cottage cheese you notice looks better on a salad rather than her ass. And maybe, just maybe realizing that you will have to wake up beside the hideous beast will end all hopes of setting sail that evening.

I realize it's far fetched to blame women for their faults. The women may not like everything about the lad either. But, the difference is women are able to open their legs and let it happen. As men, we need to make sure our equipment is in top form every time we hit the town. Who knows when you'll need to step up and take care of business? The answer is no one. And what's even more true is that every man in the world will have his nights of not being able to pleasure with their rod. RP Advice: if you're unable to use the big stick, learn how to use your fingers and tongue to perfection. Women will forget about the sex if you can still pleasure them like crazy with other parts of your body.

Thanks for dropping by,

Rick Perch

RANDOM RANT


- this is the best time of year to be a sports fan. We have playoff baseball upon us, NHL hockey is about to begin, the NBA will be starting training camp in the next week and the NFL and College Football is in full swing. Ladies, if you have a boyfriend who likes sports then say goodbye to him for the winter. If you have a boyfriend who doesn't like sports...he's probably a homo.

- also, television shows are beginning and you don't want to miss out. Gossip Girl obviously tops them all with other shows like Cougar Town, The City, The Hills, Grey's, 30 Rock and many more are underway or will be shortly.